Robyn of the Week, with Darién Montañez

[12:50:30]
across the desert with no shoes on says: im admiring your column
[12:50:34]
Darién. says: yay! will you be a robyn of the week? i need you to have a potty mouth
[12:50:47]
across the desert with no shoes on says: ah! i thought youd never ask
[12:50:50]
Darién. says: o come on i love you. you're the über-mia. i thought of you whilst drilling her
[12:51:19]
across the desert with no shoes on says: do i have to enter the zig to qualify?
[12:51:24]
Darién. says: no no no. all you need is zigg drama, actual or potential. i'm sure david will hate you being first
[12:51:47]
across the desert with no shoes on says: rex called me a bog monster or something once. thats about it
[12:52:00]
Darién. says: sure, that counts. plus there's the whole david thing. i'm sure we can dig for some good drama there
[12:52:34]
across the desert with no shoes on says: thats not very dramatic
[12:52:37]
Darién. says: o that's what you think. you're just jaded. we're easily entertained
[12:52:58]
across the desert with no shoes on says: im easily entertained
[12:53:12]
across the desert with no shoes on says: you can come to our wedding and be entertaining
[12:53:41]
Darién. says: so wanna do this right now? bare your soul and whatnot?
[12:54:01]
across the desert with no shoes on says: yes
[12:54:03]
across the desert with no shoes on says: yes
[12:54:04]
across the desert with no shoes on says: yes
[12:54:15]
across the desert with no shoes on says: its not very weekly is it?
[12:54:30]
Darién. says: o you're robyn of the week number three of this week, but you're my number one of the day: robyn of the week number one of day two. that will look good across your business card
[12:54:53]
across the desert with no shoes on says: hawt
[12:54:58]
Darién. says: so first things first. you need to switch to a selfportrait display image
[12:55:24]
across the desert with no shoes on says: wont this do?
[12:55:26]
Darién. says: no. hell no. how can you expected to bare your soul if you can't even show face?
[12:56:31]
across the desert with no shoes on says: there. i had flu when that was taken
[12:56:34]
Darién. says: lovely. you look very virginia woolf. i'm trying to flatter my way into your soul
[12:57:00]
across the desert with no shoes on says: youre already there
[12:57:05]
Darién. says: welcome, dear readers to your new favourite column, Robyn of the Week, with Darién Montañez. this week we have a very special guest. will you state your name, age, and profession for the audience, dear?
[12:57:43]
across the desert with no shoes on says: richard branson
[12:57:57]
Darién. says: oh you know what the policy on funny interviewees is. all those efforts will be taken care of  in the editing room. these may be your fifteen minutes, but this is my column
[12:58:05]
across the desert with no shoes on says: lucy, 16 student
[12:58:28]
Darién. says: and what are you a student of, lucille? or is it lucia?
[12:58:42]
Darién. says: lucia is posher, so i'll guess it's the latter. or is there a silent aych in there? luciah?
[12:58:43]
across the desert with no shoes on says: neither
[12:58:47]
Darién. says: o then what is it?
[12:59:01]
across the desert with no shoes on says: lucy
[12:59:04]
Darién. says: just lucy?
[12:59:08]
across the desert with no shoes on says: oui
[12:59:11]
Darién. says: that's like calling your son benny (which i'm sure has happened)
[12:59:35]
Darién. says: (i was just reading in my nationally-translated new york times that the venezuelans are famous for onomatopaeiaycally adapting english phrases into fancy names, like Juan Jondre... for 'one hundred'.but i digress)
[13:00:40]
Darién. says: so, lucy, what do you study
[13:00:56]
across the desert with no shoes on says: art, english, maths, biology
[13:01:04]
Darién. says: and, more importantly, are you really made of money?
[13:01:13]
across the desert with no shoes on says: pfft. no. are you?
[13:01:24]
Darién. says: let the big men handle the questions, dear. you just answer meekly. how many ponies do you own?
[13:01:30]
across the desert with no shoes on says: 52. one for every week
[13:01:53]
Darién. says: are those little your-little-ponies or real-life live ponies?
[13:02:07]
Darién. says: you are still trying to be funny. is this a defense mechanism?
[13:02:13]
across the desert with no shoes on says: yes
[13:02:18]
Darién. says: what are you afraid of?
[13:02:24]
across the desert with no shoes on says: everything
[13:02:32]
Darién. says: be a little more specific. we love specificity. and long, rambly answers
[13:03:03]
across the desert with no shoes on says: my friend told me i was afraid of eevrything when i was 14. she wants to be a psychologist
[13:03:23]
Darién. says: so she's starting with alienating all her friends, appropriately enough
[13:03:30]
across the desert with no shoes on says: indeed
[13:03:36]
Darién. says: well rest assured that you are safe and sound here. you're among friends. we love the lucy
[13:03:49]
across the desert with no shoes on says: aww
[13:03:53]
Darién. says: so you are not made of money after all. do you have a trust fund?
[13:04:08]
across the desert with no shoes on says: a secret one possibly
[13:04:14]
Darién. says: how many pairs of shoes do you own?
[13:04:21]
across the desert with no shoes on says: hmm. i dont know. a fair few
[13:04:34]
Darién. says: over fifty?
[13:04:41]
across the desert with no shoes on says: not quite
[13:04:54]
Darién. says: good, good. so moving on... do you remember your zigg birthday? what are your earliest zigg memories?
[13:05:25]
across the desert with no shoes on says: i dont even remember the url
[13:05:32]
Darién. says: oh you don't do the zigg anymore, roight. but let's get to that later
[13:05:39]
across the desert with no shoes on says: i might do now
[13:05:50]
Darién. says: ooo, a secret identity, perhaps? the plot thickens! you are alan whickers!
[13:05:59]
Darién. says: but hold your answer for later. for the shocking conclusion of the interview. come on, early memories of the zigg
[13:06:20]
across the desert with no shoes on says: hmm
[13:06:32]
across the desert with no shoes on says: hmmmm
[13:06:48]
across the desert with no shoes on says: taking the piss out of rex
[13:06:54]
Darién. says: right from the start?
[13:07:02]
across the desert with no shoes on says: probably
[13:07:11]
Darién. says: why did you single him out from the croud? what was it that caught your eye?
[13:07:22]
across the desert with no shoes on says: oh yknow. he did that himself
[13:07:43]
Darién. says: use some adjectives, honey
[13:08:02]
across the desert with no shoes on says: haha
[13:08:08]
across the desert with no shoes on says: because hes rex
[13:08:16]
across the desert with no shoes on says: not that i remember what that means
[13:08:35]
Darién. says: adjectives, dear. what is it that makes all robyns so tight-lipped? (and loose-legged?)
[13:08:47]
across the desert with no shoes on says: hahahah. i hate you
[13:09:00]
Darién. says: let's have some adjectives. we'll get to our early love-affair soon enough
[13:09:36]
across the desert with no shoes on says: rex adjectives?
[13:09:41]
Darién. says: yes! geez! and don't worry, nobody's reading this
[13:10:02]
across the desert with no shoes on says: not rex?
[13:10:07]
Darién. says: he can't read. maybe his staff does. go on
[13:10:29]
across the desert with no shoes on says: is 'illiterate' a suitable adjective?
[13:10:36]
Darién. says: it is an adjective. an adjective that i just used like two lines ago. kudos for creativity
[13:11:26]
across the desert with no shoes on says: *curtsies*
[13:11:34]
Darién. says: try again. and again and again
[13:12:07]
across the desert with no shoes on says: rex just said stupid things and i thought it was funny. and he didnt like me
[13:12:32]
Darién. says: right from the start, eh? why do you think that was?
[13:12:47]
Darién. says: also, how would you characterize your zigg persona? was what your behaviour like? (notice i'm kindly using british spelling)
[13:13:03]
across the desert with no shoes on says: terrible
[13:13:12]
Darién. says: terrible and inexcusable?
[13:13:14]
across the desert with no shoes on says: yes, absolutely
[13:13:33]
Darién. says: would you like this opportunity to sincerely apologise to all the people you hurt or offended?
[13:13:40]
across the desert with no shoes on says: i would
[13:13:48]
Darién. says: see, i'm serving a social purpose here. making the zigg a better place
[13:13:55]
across the desert with no shoes on says: i love you
[13:13:58]
Darién. says: so we covered early rex and early you
[13:14:01]
Darién. says: who else stands out, either because you loved or hated him/her/it? or do you not practice promiscuity?
[13:14:36]
across the desert with no shoes on says: hah. no. do you?
[13:14:47]
Darién. says: i am the zigg whore
[13:15:00]
across the desert with no shoes on says: a beautiful zig whore
[13:15:13]
Darién. says: o i wish. "i am very demanding, and it's always about me," to quote mold
[13:15:36]
Darién. says: so i remember you were extremely annoying and talkative. i ignored you on sight. what was your username those days? it was white, no?
[13:16:02]
across the desert with no shoes on says: yesh, probably
[13:16:04]
Darién. says: did i ever call you a robyn? or a newbie? how did that make you feel?
[13:16:33]
across the desert with no shoes on says: liberated
[13:16:44]
Darién. says: you're not being honest. but you can at least try being more loquacious
[13:17:35]
Darién. says: what was your username? also, how old were you back then?
[13:17:41]
across the desert with no shoes on says: 'its only a joke'
[13:17:44]
across the desert with no shoes on says: hmm. 14 or so. maybe younger, but i'll never admit it
[13:18:07]
Darién. says: you singled yourself out from the flood of newbies quite quickly, too. so how did the singling out of david happen?
[13:18:44]
across the desert with no shoes on says: it didn't really.he had my email address
[13:19:21]
Darién. says: go on
[13:19:29]
across the desert with no shoes on says: and he still has it
[13:19:53]
Darién. says: hehehe. do elaborate
[13:20:14]
across the desert with no shoes on says: hmm. talked, met, met again. again and again etc
[13:21:22]
Darién. says: and how is that working out these days
[13:21:34]
across the desert with no shoes on says: hmm. nothing to complain of
[13:22:41]
Darién. says: did your parents really come to drag you away from his dirty peasant hands at some seedy motel once? or am i just imagining this?
[13:22:55]
across the desert with no shoes on says: im pretty sure youre imagining it. or i was asleep at the time
[13:23:11]
Darién. says: okay, we need some dirt, i beg you. you're even more reluctant than mia to provide it
[13:23:49]
across the desert with no shoes on says: i have no dirt. unless you can loan me some
[13:24:05]
Darién. says: i'll add it on the editing room. i have a reputation to protect you know
[13:24:40]
Darién. says: tell us a story now. it is wrong that the interviewer type twice as much as the interviewee
[13:24:45]
across the desert with no shoes on says: i went to see david last weekend and stopped off on the way home at the tate with lilian. then i went home on the train and the train hit a girl
[13:25:23]
Darién. says: did the girl jump or was she pushed? what was she wearing?
[13:25:37]
across the desert with no shoes on says: i dont know
[13:25:40]
across the desert with no shoes on says: she didnt die
[13:25:43]
Darién. says: oh so how is lilian these days
[13:25:57]
across the desert with no shoes on says: i think hes starting to realise that london's a shithole like i told him
[13:26:25]
Darién. says: what is his apartment like?
[13:26:30]
across the desert with no shoes on says: i haven't seen it
[13:26:43]
Darién. says: what was at the tate? did he whine that the pompidou was better?
[13:26:55]
across the desert with no shoes on says: haha. no. he complimented the national gallery
[13:27:24]
across the desert with no shoes on says: can we carry this on later? i need to have dinner
[13:27:27]
Darién. says: of course. it seems every interview i do ends in a bail-out
[13:27:45]
Darién. says: so there you have it dear readers
[13:27:54]
across the desert with no shoes on says: *bows*
[13:27:58]
Darién. says: Lucy, underage student, is not made of money
[13:28:08]
Darién. says: thank you for dropping by, dear
[13:28:13]
across the desert with no shoes on says: how much should i tip you?
[13:28:23]
Darién. says: and we'll come back for the shocking conclusion some other week
[13:28:44]
across the desert with no shoes on says: k
[13:28:45]
across the desert with no shoes on says: xx
[13:28:47]
Darién. says: until then, this has been Darién Montañez for Robyn of the Week
[13:29:07]
across the desert with no shoes on says: bye buy darien
[13:29:10]
Darién. copies, pastes